Friday, March 23

To My Mother

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I woke up at nine a.m. this morning. You could say it was too late, but it is a daily norm for me. I sleep at 4 by the way, so make necessary calculations.

First thing I do almost every day is wake up and meditate. Half an hour of soothing devotion to your own-self keeps me up and running everyday. It makes me open to the often overlooked corners of life.

Who am I kidding? I pick my mobile phone even before I open my eyes. It’s spontaneous. I scroll through several applications to see if there were any interesting events when I was asleep.  None today. No messages either.  I’m not obsessed about it, but sometimes my friends pick absurd times to leave messages – and they get mad far too much when I don’t respond to it as soon as I can.

After the regular surfing through the internet, I usually go to the washroom, do the daily nitpicks and hurry to the college.

It is normal for me, except today – I discovered an unusual sighting.

I saw a bundle of twigs lying around just besides my window. At first, I wondered what it was. But that was before I saw an egg right in the middle. It fascinated me and several thoughts popped up to my head right at that very moment.

What if I was too sleepy  and I opened the window without even bothering to look? A beautiful life wasted for nothing!

What inspired me more was how the mother pigeon kept ushering little pieces of wood and looked after it with extreme care. I was spectating at one of the most mesmerizing views to life right at my own window.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew how a nest was built. But somehow, it was just able to touch a part of heart which rendered a lot of emotions inside me.

Meanwhile, after a pleasant surprise and a few of my morning rituals, I was already getting to late for college. I had a presentation this morning – an event where you strive to present yourself even when you know you got nothing. All you have to do is create a fascist version of yourself and hope that the teacher doesn’t single it out. Or try to become outspoken for a day at least.

I wasn’t able to do either of them, yet it went fine. Perhaps it was my lucky day.

Following the presentation, I knew I had to eat.

My stomach was making noise even when the teacher was asking a lot of questions on the project.  I hadn’t eaten much this morning. I needed to dash through everything as soon as I could to get to the college on time; and consequently, I only ate a few spoons of rice which could have only fed a baby.

In my conquest to beat off hunger, I joined two of my friends in an almost daily routine at RedMud. I ate my favorite Chicken Bacon wrap and Chicken Chilly, ofcourse.


After a few minutes of daily chitchat and meaningless guff, it had already become dark, so I rode my motorcycle all the way back to Budhanilkantha.

On my return, I did a little freshening up. However, my home didn’t quite feel like home today but I dialed it down to Barun 101 theories and moved on.

I then checked my mobile for a quick Instagram surf and rather unsurprisingly, it was switched off! I hadn’t checked it since this morning, and I am rather too mischievous that way. I don’t remember the last time my mobile was switched on for more than a day.

A few minutes and one Modern Family episode later, my mobile finally switched on. I found that my mother had called me numerous times. I was dead!

She had gone out of the valley for my cousin’s marriage.

I called her, with fear – yet, a few scoldings and talking to later, I felt so good once again. Her voice suddenly made me feel at home again. Perhaps, that was what I had been missing all along.

In fact, it made me remember why the little egg in the nest soothed me so much this morning.

My mother helps me do a lot of things. I won’t deny it, in fact – sometimes I worry I am too dependent on her. These days though, I’ve tried nulling it down as much as possible. I quite like the idea of being independent. But my mother being my mother, she always finds ways to get into anything she can get her hands on. But her constant knack to help wasn’t what I was missing. It was just her presence.

It dispersed like a fragrance. It could make me comfortable in any circumstance; even when she was miles away.

The idea of knowing that there is that one special lady always there right besides you when you need her – makes you realize that you’re not alone.

I sometimes wish there was a container (of some sort) to store the feelings you have –  when someone that special is around. Or maybe a drug that comforts you as much as it does.

It dispersed like a fragrance. It could make me comfortable in any circumstance; even when she was miles away.

In fact, sometimes in life, we tend to miss out on a lot of things. Maybe, the little bird that will come out of that very egg will never realize that the nest it rest on – came through sheer hard work and sweat of it’s mother. It will just think a silent guardian far away made a house for it to stay.

It’s an undisputed love, one that could be too easy to shadow because it never fades away.

Today, what I learned was that maybe, at times I take my mother for granted.

In reality, we all tend to do that. We don’t realize how that presence was a part of the reason why we kept uplifting in our challenges every time.

Still in the end, the very fact that she exists, is enough.

Possibly one day,  when you are flying so high up in the sky with sky your limits, you could overlook the very fundamental aspects of your life.

Yet no matter how far you can soar up, you’ll still feel relaxed when you know she’s there for you.

That one special lady who you could fly to a corner in Antartica and still make it feel home.

Just with her presence. Her presence.


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Pouring my heart into words somewhere in a corner.

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